Kopi Pahit di Pagi Hari

Ada yang bilang kalo kita mau mengeluarkan pendapat atau unek2 lakukan dikala tenang, tidak emosi. Mulutmu harimaumu katanya, atau dalam hal ini tulisanmu harimaumu berarti ya.

Well, beberapa hari ini saya agak sensitif. Gak tau kenapa, mau nyalahin hormon tapi kasian ya..masak disalah2in terus tiap bulan atas labilnya emosi saya.
Kemarin sempet berantem 3 hari sama Nana gara2 masalah pembagian waktu antara acara keluarga dan acara saya bareng temen2 saya (ini udah lebih dulu janjiannya) yang bentrok dan ga bisa dicari win-win solutionnya.

Now, it happens again, pagi2 mood saya udah swinging ga jelas. And i thought that i've said improper words to my friends :'(
Di usia saya yg sudah mendekati kepala 3 ini (aww...scary!), alamiah kalo banyak teman2 saya yg sudah menikah dan punya anak yang seumuran. Parenthood adalah sesuatu yang Allah belum percayakan ke Saya dan Nana untuk miliki, for now. Jadi, di saat teman2 saya fasih membahas peralatan bayi, makanan, kesehatan, dokter, sekolah, and all that stuffs..biasanya saya hanya bisa diam, mendengarkan, sesekali berkomentar walaupun jarang ditanggapi. Well hey, who am I anyway? I dont have that experience. But I try to understand, to tolerate, besides..maybe it's time for me to learn from them before my turn.

Sometimes I feel alone, like now. If you say that I'm not grateful for what I've had today, well maybe you're right and wrong at the same time. Saya bersyukur saya punya Nana, yg punya pundak untuk saya tangisi dan punya seribu kesabaran untuk mendengar semua keluhan saya. But sometimes, I need a girlfriend, yang saya bisa curhati soal baju, make up, tempat nongkrong asik, atau sejuta hal gak penting lainnya.

When this morning, my friend asked me to stop talking about one thing she doesn't understand but she wants to join the conversation with the group. so she asked to find another subject to talk..I can't help to snapped out. Because that's exactly what i've felt quite a loooooong time. But i don't have any guts to talk. Selain karena saya tau itu salah, yang lebih saya takutkan adalah mereka membuat grup baru tanpa saya because I can't catch up. I don't want that, lebih baik saya jadi kambing congek tapi saya tau perkembangan teman2 saya. Saya lebih tahan itu.

But, is it so wrong to expect having friendship like Carrie and The Gank in Sex and The City? They grown up together, with mixed background. Samantha the player, Carrie with on and off boyfriend, Miranda the lawyer with baby but no husband, and Charlotte the sweet girl with perfect marriage. They have a little in common, but seems comfortable with one another. They talk about everything.

Is it only on the screen?
Can't we bring that kind of relationship into real life?

Bitchy side of me, but it's a relief after typing those words above. Fiuuh.